i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
