so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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