Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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