Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
