We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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