dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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