I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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