so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
