Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
