I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
