Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I enjoy the company of your penis
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