I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
