isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
