My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
