Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
