Your tits are I can't wait for
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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