so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
