High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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