I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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