I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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