Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You don't make any sense
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