I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
