4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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