I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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