I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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