12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
