I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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