Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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