Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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