i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
