He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
