I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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