so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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