its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
