dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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