he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Drake has all the answers
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
