Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
