I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
