quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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