fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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