Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've blown a few things in my day
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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