when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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