thus making me awesome and them whores
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
