doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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