there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
