Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
