so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just cropdusted the office
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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