Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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