I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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