I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've blown a few things in my day
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
