Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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