I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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