Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
