I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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