My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
