highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
