This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
kristin has been a bad kristin
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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