their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
