dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
