So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
