maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
