its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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