It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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