Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She needs sedatives and a leash
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
